Count Your Blessings

Late in 2020, I happened across a meme picturing a glass canning jar filled with folded, multi-colored papers. The accompanying text issued a challenge: “This January, start the year with an empty jar. Each week, add a note with a good thing that happened. On New Year’s Eve, empty the jar and read about the amazing year you had.”

Aiming to push against an uncomfortable malaise that threatened some days to overwhelm me, I decided to give it a shot. I also purchased a “one line a day” journal, in which I take a few moments each evening to jot down some thoughts – positive or negative – about the day’s events. I keep the journal where I easily see it each night, and I’ve set a notification on my laptop so I don’t forget to do the weekly summary. Then, when I think on Friday night or Saturday morning about what to say for the week’s submission to the blessing jar, I refer back to my daily journaling and also reflect on what’s happened in the lives of each of my family members during the previous week.

Being a pessimist-leaning realist by my (human) nature, I sometimes focus first on the “bad” things about which I may have vented in the journal. I must actively choose to recall the positive. But I’ve seen so far that there’s always something – and often multiple occurrences – to document for the jar. Taking time to acknowledge that each week has, indeed, had its share of blessings has softened the sting of inevitable struggles. And recalling the positive gets easier with each passing week.

It’s not too late to start counting your blessings in a similar way. There’s nothing magical about January 1; helpful practices can stick no matter when we launch into them. In fact, you can even extend what I’ve done by including your children and spouse, perhaps assigning each family member a specific paper color to ensure that everyone participates fully.

And by now if – like me – you’re music smart, it’s probably inevitable that you’ve got Johnson Oatman, Jr.’s 1897 hymn in your head. Thus, I can’t think of a better way to remind you to get started counting your blessings than to get his song stuck there for the rest of the day!

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,

When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,

Count your many blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

CHORUS

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

Count your blessings, see what God hath done!

Count your blessings, name them one by one,

And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?

Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,

And you will keep singing as the days go by.

CHORUS

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,

Do not be disheartened, God is over all;

Count your many blessings, angels will attend,

Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

CHORUS

CK

Photo Credit: Prayer Jar

Not Where or What, but Whom

This upcoming school year will begin like none other in the memory of anyone alive today. Some classroom teachers are preparing to try their hands at another potentially-trying round of distance learning, while others have been told by school boards to be ready for in-person instruction. Among those physically returning to classrooms, some will go in full-time to an environment that may roughly resemble what they left behind last spring. But most will encounter one degree or another of COVID-related alteration – i.e., trying to provide engaging, relevant instruction from behind a face shield, continually reminding kids to comply with mask and social distancing rules, juggling “blended classroom” intricacies, etc. Even homeschool parent-teachers will feel the pinch of coronavirus as they wrestle with myriad changes to or cancellations of their kids’ community-based activities and events.

As a former classroom teacher, recently “retired” homeschool educator, and concerned community member, I’ve been thinking a lot about educators. I read their anxious social media posts. I see the sadness in their eyes when we talk in person. And I am greatly grieved for them all: the chemistry teacher pondering how to engage his students in video simulation labs; the new kindergarten teacher who can’t display brightly-colored posters or dole out reassuring hugs; the ELL teacher who knows his low-income students can’t access online instruction; the homeschooling mom whose gifted gymnast daughter has to choose between the danger of completing intense workouts in a mask or skipping the season entirely.

Virus-related realities threaten to pluck the wind from our sails and steal our joy.

I don’t have an easy remedy, and I don’t want to offer up tired clichés. But as I think about all of this, one word resonates.

Relationship.

Why did you first choose to go into teaching? What motivated you to educate your children at home? For the vast majority, the answer to those questions boils down to relationship – i.e., a desire to connect so well with young people that we can influence their hearts and minds in a positive way. The key is in the connecting. In the relationships.

Truth be told, content delivery will probably “suffer” this year; most kids simply won’t learn as much or as well as before. But they can – and will – “catch up” later…if we keep our focus where it ultimately belongs, which is on our relationships with them. When children and teens know we value them as uniquely-designed human beings, they can weather cultural storms. When they see that we’ll listen – really listen – their stress decreases and their openness to new learning improves. When they understand that we’ll prioritize them over a math lesson, they’ll be more able to try again another day.

It won’t be easy, but, as you start this new, unprecedented year, aim to keep your eye on that which really matters – not your instructional environment or even what you’re trying to teach, but whom.

 CK

Photo Credit: Nenad Stojkovic

Spare the Red

I remember laughing out loud in one of my teacher-training classes over 20 years ago when the professor recommended not using red pen to correct student papers. He maintained that red is a “negative” color and that using it to mark up student work would stifle their motivation and self-esteem. Shortly thereafter, when I got my first job, my principal included “no use of red pens” among his rules for new teachers.

Perhaps someone had done psychological studies about the “damage” caused by red ink. Absent such evidence, though, I, frankly, thought the whole thing was silly. However, using colors other than red was a condition of my employment, so I took to using green and purple; by the time I transferred to a new school without that stricture, the habit was ingrained and has even stayed with me through my years homeschooling my daughters. Thus, though my girls tease me relentlessly – they think it’s silly too and assure me that they won’t be scarred by seeing red ink on their rough-draft essays and math pages – I’ve stuck with other-than-red all these years.

And, in a way, maybe there is something to it. I don’t believe red to be a “negative” color. But by not using it every day related to everyday tasks, maybe my students and kids haven’t been desensitized to it. Thus, when they do see red, maybe they pay close attention, knowing that whatever is marked in red must be extra important.

The same is true of our words. We’re busy, imperfect human beings so we can’t monitor and moderate every word that comes out of our mouths. But what would happen if we would purpose to use “red” words sparingly instead of regularly?

“No” is a good example. I don’t believe saying “no” damages children; kids need boundaries, after all. However, if we use it continually in regular everyday situations rather than seeking alternatives, I think we might desensitize kids to its use, making it less effective when we really need it (i.e., when a child is seconds away from touching a hot stove or running into the street). In non-emergency situations, can we choose to begin replacing auto-pilot “no” with more helpful, relationship-based communication (i.e., “I’m sorry, hon. We can’t have ice cream now because dinner is in half an hour.”)? I think we can.

The same goes for all our communication with children. The goal isn’t to stifle us into political correctness; red ink is not inherently evil! But when we keep our actual end-game in mind – helping the kids in our lives to grow and mature into joyful, healthy, productive adults – why wouldn’t we aim to use positive, instructive, and specific language as much as possible? In doing so, we’ll provide a positive model for our kids to emulate, we’ll deepen our relationships with them, and we’ll maintain the impact of red-letter words for when they’re truly necessary.

CK

Bright, Shiny Packages

Though I’m an in-betweener – beyond my own childbearing years but ahead of my daughters’ time to be married and have their own children – I’m surrounded by babies. Not literally, of course. But I know many people who are still having their own babies, and I also have an increasing number of friends who are becoming grandparents. As a result, I hear about new babies being born on an almost weekly basis. Of course, every healthy baby is a cause for much celebration, and we also rejoice in the few who are born with challenges even as we pray for them to be brought to full health. Every new baby is, in a sense, a bright and shiny package we can’t wait to “open.”

Unfortunately, the shine wears off all too quickly in some cases. I’m not talking about hard days – we all have those, as either our sin or that of our kids gets in the way, or the sheer depth and breadth of a parent’s job temporarily overwhelms us. What I notice are the perpetually negative parents. The ones who complain every day about a “bratty” toddler, an “out-of-control” eight-year old, or a “disrespectful” teen. Who regularly marginalize and degrade their kids, even in public. Who don’t ever seem to have a good thing to say about those precious children to whom they gave birth or worked so hard to adopt.

What happened to the enthusiasm which accompanied meeting the “shiny package” for the first time?
The prophet Jeremiah tells us that, “…The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning…” (Lamentations 3.22-23)

This means that God never gives up on us, never dismisses us as “worthless causes.” Instead, He chooses to look on us with new mercy – or new compassion, as some translations say – every single morning, regardless of how we may have messed up the day before. Indeed, He does it moment by moment in the midst of each day as well, choosing to lavish love on us despite ourselves. He, of course, wants us to confess our sins to Him – and to grow in our maturity – but when we do repent, He keeps no record of wrongs (1 John 1.9). He chooses to see the shiny package – to encourage us and celebrate us – and to cheer us along so that we can get past our sins and weaknesses.

Don’t our kids deserve the same from us? Of course, it’s necessary to appropriately discipline and correct their wrongs. But if God can “forget” our sin once it’s dealt with – choosing to see us anew each morning despite our track record – why can’t we give our kids the same grace? Imagine the difference it would make to them if we set aside pessimism and negativity and, instead, chose to focus on their new potential, day by day. If we choose to see a bright, shiny package every day of their lives.

Then move beyond imagining and make it happen.

CK

Photo Credit: Backdoor Survival

Keep It Positive

One of my pet peeves is seeing parents – and teachers – rant about their children/students online. And, sadly, it happens pretty much every day in one way or another. Currently, teachers in conventional schools are expressing relief about “finally having a break from the little monsters” and parents are bemoaning the “burden” of having their kids home for the summer. In a few weeks, that will flip; teachers will begin complaining about having to “endure” the children again and parents will throw horrid little “celebrations” akin to The Wizard of Oz munchkins singing, “Ding-dong, the witch is dead,” as their children pile back onto school buses. In between will come a continual barrage about how “terrible” certain children or teens are.

On the one hand, I get it. Classroom teaching is hard, and parenting is harder; I’ve done both. And sometimes – in order to release it so it doesn’t eat away at us and poison relationships – we really do need to vent frustration at children’s behavior; they are, after all, sinners just like us. However, doing so online – the equivalent of spewing one’s filthy laundry into the middle of a public square – isn’t the place for that. Teens and children – even those whose current behavior is poor – deserve better. And if we think they don’t know – “My kids aren’t on Facebook,” or “My students don’t follow my account.” – we’re sadly mistaken. It gets back to them. And the inherently negative nature of social media magnifies and twists the issues at hand, in their minds and ours. Then our thoughts and feelings spiral down into even more negativity. They know what we really think of them, and then see our plastered-on smiles for what they really are.

So, when you need to blow off steam – and we all do from time to time – keep it private. Offline. With your spouse or one trusted and trustworthy friend. Well out of your kids’ earshot. And, ideally, you enlist that person to help you begin brainstorming possible solutions immediately following your vent, so that neither you nor your kids get stuck in a pattern of angst.

And when you’re online? Keep it positive. Don’t lie or pretend you’re living the 21^st century version of Leave It to Beaver; it’s okay to ‘fess up to tiring days and ask for general prayer requests (God knows the details; your 817 Facebook “friends” don’t need a blow-by-blow). Think of it as an opportunity to practice discernment and restraint. And then use the time you might have spent typing up your rant – and subsequently responding to all the commiserating which would have ensued – to try your hand at authentic, in-person problem-solving and relationship-building.

CK

But Jesus...

My friend Bobbie lives in Paradise, California – or at least she did until nearly the entire town burned to the ground earlier this month. Two weeks after the fire started, she and her husband were allowed back in and discovered that their home – though heavily smoke-damaged – still stands, as does her father-in-law’s. But her daughter’s home, her father-in-law’s business, and her church have been reduced to ashes. Her entire extended family escaped with their lives, but many of her friends and neighbors have lost loved ones.

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My friend and one-time homeschool mentor, Wendy, had brain surgery a couple of weeks ago. The doctors removed most of a tumor that was blessedly benign. However, they couldn’t get it all because part of it is entwined with blood vessels, and they’re not sure if she’ll regain full vision in her left eye. Even if clear sight returns, she faces months of physical and neurological healing.
My friend and surrogate father, Jerry, has been wrestling with Stage 4 prostate cancer for over two years. It remained mostly at bay for a long time, but earlier this fall he took a serious turn for the worse.  Through a series of miraculous circumstances, he was able to travel to an alternative treatment facility in Mexico, where he miraculously bounced back. And now he’s home, following the clinic’s protocols, hoping for news of healing in a few weeks.

My brother Tom had minor surgery in September that somehow unleased what has become a virulent bacterial infection into his system. He was hospitalized twice since the initial procedure, and then endured a 30-day course of strong antibiotics delivered daily via PICC line. The specialists with whom he and his wife have consulted don’t expect the infection to return again but, as I write, Tom is in a holding pattern, hoping to avoid having any symptoms indicating that “the little buggers” have somehow survived the IV treatment.

My loved ones’ responses to their struggles both chastise and encourage me. Wendy’s vision may not be fully restored, but she – ever the optimist – jokes about her new hairdo and makes tumor jokes with her adoring husband and five sweet kids, focusing on the joy of being alive. Bobbie isn’t sure how they’ll rebuild Paradise, but she’s committing to stay and be Jesus’ hands and feet amidst the rubble. The bacteria plaguing Tom might return, but he’s living each day on faith that it won’t. Jerry’s long-term prognosis is uncertain at best, yet he smiles and laughs and appreciates the little things, just as he always has.

As they tell their stories, they recount reality without sugar-coating. But then each consciously chooses to make a mental shift and say, “But Jesus…” because they know Romans 8.28: “And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.”

As one of my pastors used to say, if you’re not in the midst of a struggle at the moment, you’re either coming out of one or getting ready to enter one. That’s just reality in our beautiful but still fallen world. If you’re like me, you might not respond to that as well as my loved ones. But I’m trying to remind myself that having gratitude and faith is a choice. No matter what each of us faces day by day, we can always decide to say, “But Jesus…”


*****
UPDATE: Jerry went Home to be with Jesus on December 7. He'd come to terms a few days before his passing that it was the Lord's will to heal him in Heaven, not here. And now he is fully healed. Those of us who love him are heartbroken for our loss even as we rejoice that he is whole again in the presence of the Savior he served for so many years.

CK

Wielding Great Power

“You’re not a good reader. Oh, and your spelling is a mess.”

Can you imagine how my child would have felt if I’d told her that?

The fact is that one of my daughters did “struggle” to learn to read. I see in hindsight that the problem was mainly with me – I was pushing her with formal instruction just because she’d turned five rather than watching for real developmental readiness – but the observable reality at the time revealed an inability to process phonological concepts. In fact, though she doesn’t have a learning disability, things didn’t click for her with reading until after she’d turned eight. And she wrestled with our crazy English spelling constructs until she was 13, but then seemed to wake up one day able to spell with consistency as she hadn’t before.

Of course, her “delays” concerned me; any good parent wonders and worries when a child struggles in any way, be it academically, physically, emotionally, relationally, or spiritually. And, sadly, my daughter saw some of my anxiety. But I’m thankful I knew in my gut to avoid making negative statements that would influence her identity. In fact, I remember – even when my stomach twisted in knots during a lesson –consciously coaching myself to purposefully encourage and not dishearten her.

“You’re doing great, honey. Yes, you remembered from yesterday how to sound out st-.”

“Wow. You’re on fire today! You spelled seven of the 10 words correctly!”

It turns out that my daughter was simply a “late bloomer” – who also happened to have hyperopia (farsightedness) and an astigmatism. Thus, she simply needed glasses…and time.

Depending on the circumstances, we do, of course, sometimes need to seek more intensive intervention. But even then, it’s imperative that we avoid plastering our kids with negative, identity-defining labels. Instead, we must help them frame their identities positively and properly – for example, a friend purposes to say that her son “has autism but it doesn’t have him” rather than saying he “is autistic.” Kids internalize who they are based primarily on the messages we parents send with our words and actions.

My “struggler” is now a beautiful, mature young lady on the cusp of adulthood. Some spelling constructs still baffle her – after all, our spelling system is a bizarre mishmash where rules are more often broken than followed! – but she’s become a gifted writer, able to describe and challenge with her words in ways far beyond her years. And she absolutely loves reading; not long ago, she was – by choice – delving into Bram Stoker’s Dracula and the works of Emily Dickinson at the same time and has recently chosen to concurrently tackle Wuthering Heights and Alex Haley’s Roots for her homeschool literature assignment, while reading other difficult works for fun.

Imagine how different her adolescence would be if she’d believed that her early “struggles” controlled her identity; I shudder at the thought. Our words wield great power in our kids’ lives. Are you using yours positively, for their long-term well-being?

CK

A Game-Changer

After my fourth year of teaching English to middle school-aged kids, I transferred to the neighboring high school. On my first day, I discovered that several students who'd been in my classes as eighth graders were on my rosters at the high school. One such student was Roberto.

Though he didn’t love school, Roberto was bright and energetic. His English skills were strong, and in middle school he regularly participated in group discussions and readily smiled and joked appropriately with his classmates and me. I looked forward to seeing him again.

But Roberto was different in the fall. He seemed naturally petrified on the first day – as did all the freshmen. Unlike his same-aged peers, though, he didn’t settle in. Within a couple of weeks – in complete contrast to the good rapport we’d previously enjoyed – he refused to do any of the work I assigned and devolved into disrupting my class with surliness or inappropriate commentary every day. Confused and a little hurt, I reluctantly sent him to the principal’s office a couple of times, but that didn’t seem like a real solution – and the more he was sent out, the further behind he fell. I finally chose a different course of action and set one desk at the back of the room, away from all the others. Privately, I told Roberto the desk was his – that he couldn’t join the rest of the class until he agreed to participate appropriately but that I wouldn’t send him out again if he didn’t cause disruption.

Every day for three straight weeks, he went right to his new desk without complaint, and promptly put his head down. When the bell rang, he left without a word. Though it was an improvement – and I knew he was listening to our class discussions even as he feigned sleep – I was still worried. I finally asked him to come after school to talk.

To my surprise, he showed up. But he stomped in, scraped chair legs across the floor as he sat down among the regular desks, and looked as if he wanted to punch something. As I finished a conversation with another student, anger rose within me. Who did this kid think he was? He’d been “my bud” before; I didn’t deserve this behavior from him. It was about time he knew it!

And then… I “heard” what I know to be the Holy Spirit’s still small voice in my soul, prompting me down a different path. The other student left, and I let out a deep sigh, then gently pulled out the chair next to Roberto. I put a hand on his shoulder and said as calmly as I could muster, “Roberto, what’s wrong? How can I help?”

And then – to my utter astonishment – his shoulders shuddered and he began sobbing. Not knowing what else to do, I simply kept my hand on his back and just let him cry.

After 10 minutes, he calmed down enough to talk. Turns out, he was completely overwhelmed by absolutely every aspect of high school, and the pressure he felt built up more and more every day. His disruptions were a cover for deep anxiety.

I reassured him that I – for one – was on his side and would help however I could. At the end of the conversation, he finally flashed a big grin, and I almost cried, realizing how much I’d missed that smile. When he walked into class the next day, he went right past his “detention seat” to his previous spot among his classmates and never disrupted again.

Sometimes kids do need discipline, consequences, and punishment. But sometimes they actually need us - our presence and an authentic listening ear. I couldn’t change Roberto’s overall circumstances. But because I listened, he knew he wasn’t alone. And just that simple act was a game-changer.

CK

What Are Your Ambitions, Dear?

Because of my teen daughters’ social circles, I know more kids every year – my girls’ friends, others in our local homeschool association, relatives, kids at church – who are graduating high school. And, just as when I was a classroom teacher at the high school level, I enjoy talking with these young people about their hopes and dreams.

I’ve learned not to ask a very common but extremely presumptuous question – “Where are you going to college?” – because I’ve been witnessing how many of today’s youth, after having given very careful consideration to all the options set before them, have wisely decided upon totally viable, alternative paths. So, I used to default to another, broader and more inclusive question: “What are you doing after graduation?”

But I recently heard an even better query – a simple but profound semantic twist that shows how much words matter in setting a tone. In the exchange I observed, a wise older woman asked a teen girl, "So, what are your ambitions, dear?"

This wording was incredible! First, it was optimistic, communicating the woman’s belief that the teen did, indeed, have life goals. Second, it was open-ended, creating an opportunity for the teen to expound upon her real hopes and dreams instead of feeling boxed in by preconceived expectations. Third, it opened the door to real relationship – an authentic conversation where the teen could feel safe being transparent, knowing the adult was genuinely interested and not just making “small talk.”

I don’t put teenagers on a pedestal; I know they have very real struggles, individually and as a social cohort. But I discovered long ago – even before I had my own children – that kids almost always respond well to positive feedback. In other words, if they sense that we believe in them, they’ll usually attempt to rise to the occasion. And when they try, they almost always make it.

They also need to know that we see and accept each one’s individuality. That we don’t view them as cookie-cutter products on an assembly line, all required to do the same things in the same way. That we celebrate the diversity of paths to happy, functional adulthood this generation is discovering.

Some of the teens I know aren’t quite sure of their post-high school ambitions. But those who have ideas are gloriously all over the map – as wannabe missionaries, graphic artists, nurses, interior designers, professional nannies, homeschool moms, music producers, small business owners, and computer programmers, just to name a few. And they’ve thought through the ways – some conventional and some very “out of the box” – in which they can reach their goals. I believe we need to encourage them to pursue those ambitions, providing enough guidance and support on the one hand while letting them freely explore their options on the other.

What are the ambitions of the kids in your life?

CK

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Photo Credit: theilr

Can You?

My kids are old enough to stay home alone, but neither is yet driving for herself so I find myself living the life of a chauffeur. And one of the things I most enjoy about this “season” is the opportunity to have regular one-on-one time with each of my girls as I drive to and from various activities. We don’t listen to the radio, and they don’t text friends or surf the ‘net; we talk with each other.

On one recent excursion, my very sanguine younger daughter and I got on the topic of “philosophy of life,” and she optimistically said, “My philosophy comes down to not worrying. God knows everything that’s going to happen and there’s a reason for all of it, so why worry?”

Of course, she’s right, and we shouldn’t be surprised when wisdom comes from the lips of children (Matthew 21.16). In fact, her conviction – which I see played out daily in her life…and which humbles me greatly – is absolutely biblical (Jeremiah 29.11, Romans 8.28).

We might think she’s naïve because she’s “only” an adolescent – and one whose life has thus far been shielded from much of anything terribly traumatic. But truth is truth; it’s not less true when delivered by a young person (1 Timothy 4.12), and it doesn’t change even if some “more mature” people have allowed their hearts and minds to become jaded by life circumstances.

My daughter’s faith in a “peace that passes understanding” (Philippians 4.7) got me thinking about some of the many parents with whom I interact daily. These folks are anxious about nearly every aspect of their children’s growth and development. Not intentional, involved, and proactive – all of which are very positive parenting attributes – but literally worried. They fret over everything – sure they’re making all the wrong choices or not ever doing enough, and convinced that there’s something terribly abnormal with this child or that. They’re making themselves sick by attempting to control every outcome and stressing their children in the process.

Intentionality is good. Seeking wise counsel is…well, wise. But what would happen if we aimed to adopt my daughter’s philosophy of life in regards to our children, leaning into two very important corollary truths:

1. If God’s in control, He knows absolutely everything about the unique, individual child He’s given me – all the child’s strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, inclinations and aversions – and He has a specific, unique plan for the unfolding of that child’s life;
   
2. God entrusted that child to me…which means that He – knowing all of my strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, inclinations and aversions – trusts and will (daily) empower me (despite myself) to help the child uncover and fulfill His plan.

In other words, what would happen if we chose to truly walk in faith in regards to our children? To make our plans as they seem good and healthy, yes, but to also give God wide berth to redirect our paths as He sees fit (Proverbs 16.9) without reacting like Chicken Little when He does?

Think for a moment about one area of current “concern” for each of your children. Rather than unproductively worrying or fretfully micromanaging, can you, instead, give those issues to God and purpose to trust Him to work things out over time according to the unique plan He already has in mind? Can you decide to observe and facilitate rather than control?

CK

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Photo Credit: jonathan lopez

What Will It Be?

Many folks make resolutions at the beginning of a new calendar year. To that end, I heard on December 31 an unsurprising report indicating that the top three resolutions among American adults are to quit smoking, lose weight, and spend money more wisely. Of course, all of those and other resolutions might be worthwhile though they’re not easy to accomplish. As with any goal, they’re achievable with detailed, realistic action plans and a commitment to perseverance. And there’s nothing wrong with working on self-improvement.

But I wondered as I listened to the report how many people set relational resolutions: plans meant to build their connections with others. Most especially, how many of us as parents consciously seek to improve our relationships with our children? How many of us actually purpose and plan – now and at other times of the year – to actively celebrate the kids God has given us?

I know that’s not easy. There is much in our culture that works to alienate parents from their children and vice versa, causing adults and kids alike to drift toward relational distance more often than not. And because every person on the planet is sinful by nature, relationships are stressful – even with our kids. Even when we love them with all our hearts.

But we’re supposed to behave like the grown-ups we are. And we’ve been given the responsibility by God to nurture the children He’s entrusted to us. So it’s irresponsible to cop-out by saying, “I can’t love that child.” We must, instead, find a way to ask, “How can I love and celebrate that child?”

When Kathy gives a presentation on multiple intelligences, the genius qualities, or various parenting topics, she often hears regretful sighs and even witnesses repentant tears as people realize how they haven’t celebrated their children as they should. But she always says, “Don’t feel guilty. You were not responsible for this information before you walked into this room. But you are responsible for it now. So don’t waste energy on regret; instead, figure out how to be different when you walk out this door.”

And that’s the approach we need to take if we realize now at the beginning of 2014 that we have work to do in our relationships with our kids. And, in fact, every parent does need to improve in one way or another; that’s just the nature of being a mom or dad. So we’re not alone in the journey.

It’s not January 1 anymore, but that’s okay. Resolutions contingent upon special dates usually fail, as demonstrated by the fact that gym attendance peaks in early January but always returns to normal by mid-February. If you know there’s something to work on in terms of your relationship with your child, the important thing is not when you start the process. It’s that you start.

So what will it be for you this year – today?

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Photo Credit: Alan

CK

Fresh Start, Powerful Tool

I recently remembered that kids who attend most public and private schools in my area are nearing the end of the first semester of their current academic year. That means the high school kids in particular are bracing for upcoming final exams, after which they’ll begin a new term. And on the first day of second semester, many will begin new classes taught by teachers known to them only by reputation.

Likewise as a teacher, you’ve either just begun a new semester or you’re on the cusp of it. In some cases, you’re continuing with basically the same students you’ve had since last September. But perhaps you’re beginning new second semester courses populated by students you know only by reputation, if at all. With those kids – as well as with those you’ve known for months – this time of year is a great opportunity for a fresh start.

And what better place to begin than by acknowledging anew a truth you must know: each child and young person on the face of the planet is a unique, one-of-a-kind individual. Each student who walks through your classroom door has a particular, individualized combination of strengths and weaknesses, and one of your main responsibilities is to discover both in each pupil so that you can then decipher how to help each one maximize his potential. Of course, you could attempt to move everyone along on an assembly line of learning, expecting each child to do the same thing in the same way at the same time at the same rate. And you surely feel the pressure to go along that conveyor belt at times.

But you know better. I know you do because you know Dr. Kathy Koch. You know that each child is a never-to-be-repeated unique miracle. You know that each person in the world has been endowed with eight distinct ways of learning that we call the “multiple intelligences” and that we need to value all eight, even in busy, crowded classrooms.

Thus, I encourage you to choose to see each of your students from that perspective starting on Day One of your second semester. Remember that:

·       The boy who fidgets may not have ADHD. Maybe he’s simply body-smart;

·       The young lady tapping her pencil on the desk as you explain class expectations might not be trying to distract. Perhaps she’s music-smart and is unconsciously responding to the cadence of your voice;

·       The child who stares out the window may be noticing the pattern of frost on the glass because he’s nature-smart;

·       The one who’s doodling in her notebook might be picture-smart and knows she pays closer attention if she draws while she listens.

Of course, some students have legitimate behavioral issues as well, and kids need to learn to use their smarts appropriately. But I know from experience that it’s so much more productive and pleasant when a teacher chooses to look first for the positive in her students. And deciding to deliberately search for each one’s multiple intelligence strengths is a powerful first step in that process.

CK