Loving parents don’t want their kids to suffer. We would give our very lives for them and we would – if we could – take away all their pain. And we should, of course, do everything within our power to help them avoid serious injury. But we can’t wrap them in physical or mental bubble wrap; hurt of one sort or another will, unfortunately, come to each and every one of our kids. With that truth in mind, we can harness the power of appropriate natural consequences in little things to help our children learn lessons that may help them avoid serious issues down the line.
For example, one of my daughters wanted
to quit guitar lessons about a year and a half after starting. However, rather
than ask if she could give it up, she simply stopped practicing. I wasn’t aware
of this for several weeks because she typically practiced in her room behind
closed doors, and she actually told me more than once that she was practicing.
When her lies to me became apparent, I obviously dealt with that via logical,
negative consequences; I never take lying lightly. In addition, though, I let
her suffer the natural consequences of her choice – i.e., she felt embarrassed
at her lessons when she went unprepared and eventually had to confess her
behavior and apologize to her guitar teacher. I hated to see her in pain; it
would have been “easier” to make excuses for her. However, if I’d stepped in to
save her some short-term angst, I’d have prevented her from learning some very
important lessons that will apply all throughout her life. In case you’re wondering,
I did allow her to stop taking lessons since her initial interest had waned –
but only after she’d worked through all the consequences of her poor choice.
We obviously can’t let our kids
suffer natural consequences all the time; it would be immoral, for example, to
knowingly let a child touch the flame on a stovetop or to knowingly drop a teen
off at a beer party. But it’s damaging in different ways – not to mention
impossible – to try “protecting” them from every natural consequence. Instead,
give them the gift of working through relatively harmless natural consequences
with your guidance and support.
CK
*****
Photo Credit: SabrinaDan Photo
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