One of my teen daughters had
a hard day last week. She felt lethargic. She struggled to focus on the words
in her various schoolbooks. And it seemed to her that everyone and everything
was exceptionally – distractingly – loud. In other words, she was having what
we affectionately refer to around here as “a hormone day.”
In our home, we acknowledge
the reality of hormone days – they are real…all along the spectrum of a woman’s
life! – and we make accommodations as feasible. But we don’t allow them to
become an excuse for bad behavior. So when my daughter snapped at me after I’d
asked her to alter some of her plans in order to make part of my day easier,
she crossed a line.
But I did, too…because in
response to her less-than-stellar answer, I scowled and promptly launched into
a mini-lecture assailing her lack of understanding and gratitude.
And, sadly, I’ve reacted in
similar fashion too many times to count – whether the precipitating event was a
two-year old’s tantrum, an eight-year old’s inability to settle down, or an
adolescent’s hormone day.
Thankfully, I’ve almost
always had the wherewithal to apologize and ask forgiveness in very short
order. And I’m grateful that both my girls and the Lord give grace in
abundance. However, I also know that – as the apostle Paul points out – grace is
not an excuse to go on sinning (Romans 6.15). Rather, grace gives us the means
by which to purpose to do better.
And do better we must.
I actually hear on a daily
basis from parents – mostly moms, though this applies to dads as well – who
bemoan their children’s poor attitudes. The kids talk back, bully their
siblings, refuse to help with household tasks, fail to meet their academic
obligations, and decide to deceive their parents about one thing or another. The
parents dutifully dole out consequences. But they wonder why their children
continue to exhibit habitually bad attitudes even when they begin to outwardly obey.
Chances are, the answer lies
in the mirror.
We can demand until we’re
blue in the face that our kids exhibit a “positive attitude.” But if they don’t
see it in us, why would they do it themselves? If we don’t model it, how will
they know what we expect? In fact, it’s unfair to expect of our kids what we do
not demand of ourselves.
On “hormone day,” my daughter
tossed a dose of snark at me, and I responded in kind. She was undoubtedly wrong.
But it would have been much more productive if I’d chosen to respond with
maturity, holding her to account in a firm but kind manner, rather than snapping
in return (1 Peter 3.8-9). In either case, correction would have occurred. But
if I’d chosen personal maturity, I’d have provided her with the added benefit of
witnessing a positive response in the face of negativity.
Parenting is hard. It
requires us to choose maturity. But that is our call. Are you picking up the
mantle today?
*****
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