Father's Day used to be hard for me. Before my husband and I had
children, it served only to remind me of my fractured relationship with my dad
and the inability to reconcile since he'd died while we were estranged. I knew the
boundaries I'd set had been necessary and that it wasn't my fault he'd chosen
to remain at odds with me until his sudden death. But I still felt alternately
bitter and numb during Father's Day recognition services at church. I scoffed
internally when a pastor said, "And for the fatherless, remember that God
is your Abba Father. He's all you need." "Easy for him to
say," I'd retort to myself. "He probably has a good
father."
When our girls were born, my focus shifted to my husband - my daughters'
dad - as I found ways to celebrate his sweet relationship with them. So my
heart softened toward the day because I could focus on something positive. And
along the way my desire to see myself as God's daughter increased.
I still struggle a bit with not having an earthly dad to celebrate. God,
of course, loves me far more than even the healthiest, most loving earthly
father ever could - but He is Spirit, not here physically and not the subject
of the same kinds of concrete childhood memories my husband, daughters, and
friends have of their dads. So it's hard at times to find solace in a “mere”
spiritual Father.
The difference for me now, though, is that I'm willing to open
myself up to Him in that role. Instead of scoffing at a pastor's attempt to
comfort, I now long to embrace the amazing truth that God is, indeed,
everything I've ever wanted in a dad...and then some. I have to consciously
make the choice, but now I at least want
to do so. And one day I'll see Him face to face and know His deep, abiding love
in every fiber of my being.
When I was little, I made up a story. I told myself I didn't really
belong to the parents with whom I lived; instead, my real father was “out
there” looking for me and would someday come for me. And he was a king. So when
he found me he'd swoop me up and set me in the most ornate carriage anyone had
ever seen, whisking me away to his magnificent castle on a majestic hill.
I've known for a long time that the Lord put that vision in my mind to
give me hope in my painful childhood situation. And He, of course, is my
Real Father - the King of kings who has been preparing a mansion for me since
Jesus returned to Him. So I work to keep my focus there, knowing that one day I’ll
have the most marvelous Father's Day celebration ever – one that will last for
eternity.
*****
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